Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
