AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
