apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All the doctor said was why
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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