I think my vagina is haunted
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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