Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
