Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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