Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
