Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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