Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize