You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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