i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
