Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
