He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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