haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
