remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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