just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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