I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
