the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
