I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
