All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize