you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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