I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
