he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
