I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize