my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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