As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
