Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
North Korea, Best Korea!
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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