My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
