I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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