I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
