my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
