She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
