So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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