i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
