you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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