Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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