Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
