Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
