i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
