if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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