That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
