An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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