fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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