I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
