Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
