Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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