Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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