I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
