You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
