didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
