My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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