My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
