the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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