Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
