remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
