Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
