I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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