End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize