woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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