im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
