Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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