i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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