I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
