You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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