THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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