What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
