No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
