do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
