Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
