I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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