You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
