it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
