Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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