the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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