someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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