Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
