Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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