Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
two words...techno handjob
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
