1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
