Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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