This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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