I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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