some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
