i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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