Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
