she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
