My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
please come you make the beer taste better
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
