Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize