My room smells like vodka and shame
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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