I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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