I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
