Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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