All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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