are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
