Apparently you make a good broom.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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