just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize